

When self-hatred fuels our healing
Learning to change from a place of tenderness Within me, I have really noticed how deep it sits: that need to become the person the other person will want to be with. To become the person they can stay with. I have done so much coaching work, healing work and transformational work. It has been really useful, and it has brought incredible change. But at some point, I began to see what was fueling it: I relentlessly transform because I actually hate who I am. Realising this is


Staying harmless through confusion
I confuse myself so I can do what you want (although I don't really want that). I confuse you, so you’re not angry or don’t perceive what it is that you want to do, and so maybe I can get my own way anyway. Confusion is a strategy to stay harmless and is such an insidious strategy we can carry from childhood. It penetrates everything we do, every single wish and relationship we have. We confuse others, we confuse ourselves, and we stay in the confused state because if we we


If I am only nice enough…
… I will find someone who will take me under their wing and take care of me forever. I won’t have to make decisions myself. I will let them assign tasks and activities to me, and I will swear total loyalty and fulfilment of those activities. I won’t communicate what it is that I really want. Because I don’t believe that I can get it. Because I experienced in my childhood that I wasn’t getting it. The love, the attention, the care which I needed and didn’t get. I will be who y
