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  • Writer's pictureAlexandra

Insecurity and a deep longing for being "in security" again

Updated: Feb 2, 2022

A feeling is slowly rising within me. A thought."I can't do it". Shhhh. A wind rising. A voice in my head, mean, insulting, cold, hard, relentless, making me feel small, making me feel like I want to hide in my bed all day long. Will this end? Will I find happiness and peace within me? Will I stop giving my power away? Will I stop waiting for others to tell me how great, intelligent, talented, capable I can be?

I take a step back, observe this tumultuous inner world unrolling in my inner eye. A step of distance, a step of clear sight. I clean and clean and clean within myself. I meditate. I dance. I cry. Something is shifting. The veil is lifting from my inner sight. A nightmare. A dream. Still feeling the last shivers reverberating within.

An inner light. An inner sight. A feeling of hope growing in my chest. A warmth in my heart. A caress from within. A love growing. An inner knowing. Stepping into the shining of my own self. It is almost blinding - how could I not see? I am beautiful. I am me. I am free. Safe harbor within me.

Insecurity is filling our inner world. Insecurity is feeling the world around us. It is everywhere because it is within us. Fear. Doubt. Relentless search for confirmation. Looking into your loved one's eyes, into your boss's sight, your friend's smiles, the stranger passing you in the street. What is he reflecting back to you? How does she see you? Does she like you? Is he proud of you? Looking for boxes, concepts to be boxed in to be confirmed in something that we do not believe ourselves in the first place. A bottomless pit that can never be filled.

Insecurity is one of the biggest drivers of our world. Of your world. Search inside yourself. Who are you talking to today? Why are you talking today? What are the intentions behind the words you exchange seemingly so nonchalantly? Are you looking for approval? Can you truly see the person in front of you? Are you lost in the search for confirmation? Can you see beyond your projections and fears? Can you truly listen? Can you truly feel that longing within you and see that it is also within the one in front of you? Can you feel your insecurity? Can you feel his insecurity? Can you feel hers? Can you love yourself for it? Can you love the one in front of you for it? Can you feel that beautiful dance of our human interaction? Can you truly see? What is blocking your sight? What is blocking the insight?

Come and take my open hand. Let us find freedom within our own selves. Let us gather on this beautiful day of new beginnings. The first day of the Chinese new year. The first day of the lunar year. The Celtic festivity of light, purification, and fertility. A new moon. A darkness within that is longing to be filled. Take a deep breath - release. Let the wind blow through your subconscious mind. Let your inner sun warm you up. Take a deep breath - release. Plant a new dream.

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